Monthly Archives: February 2013

Dustin Doctor Audition

As a companion of sorts to the piece I wrote yesterday about auditions, I thought I’d give you a real live glimpse into the everyday auditioning world of professional actor, Dustin Heveron. Enjoy, and feel free to share this with anyone who likes to laugh or who needs a “don’t end up like him” sort of warning in their life. (Full disclosure, it gets pretty PG-13 at parts, so don’t say you weren’t warned).

Play on,

…If you enjoyed that video, other, lower definition and less funny videos of mine can be found here (Dustin as Son of Santa Claus), here (Dustin’s 100% Real Movie Trailer), and here (Dustin makes a short film from start to finish in a single weekend).

Also, because I’m told people like pretty things, here is a pretty picture I took with my iPhone. If you follow me on twitter or instagram, you’ve probably already seen it. Like the badass you are.

People are always complaining about how not beautiful the ocean is, but I just don't get it.

People are always complaining about how not beautiful the ocean is, but I just don’t get it.

What’s your favorite pretty thing? Leave your answers in the comments section!

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I wish I was this good looking in real life. (Note: this is not my actual headshot).

I had an audition today (it went decently well…let’s hope the casting director thinks it did, too), and it brought up something people ask me about a lot — what an audition is like. Obviously my actor friends already have a pretty good sense for this kind of thing, but for all you non-actors or not-yet-but-thinking-about-it actors, this is sort of what auditioning feels like:

Picture yourself as a car salesman, trying to sell a car to a family of four — except instead of having the entire car lot’s selection to choose from, you only have one car type to choose from (this represents the parts of your performance you don’t have any control over: race, gender, weight-range, eye color, etc.). Now let’s say car specifics like what color it is, whether it has a spoiler or not, tinted windows, etc., represent the elements of your performance that you do have control over (i.e. how you play the character, how well you memorize your lines, etc.). Except instead of asking questions about how the buyers would like things customized to what they’re looking for, you just have to make your best guess based on a vague, one-sentence (or less) description that was given to you a day or two beforehand. And instead of an entire afternoon of discussion with the buyers, you only get about two-to-five minutes of their time to sell them on your best guess as to the sort of car you think they might want. Maybe. And if you mess up your pitch, you may get another chance to start your pitch from the beginning, or they might just tell you they’ve seen/heard all they care to and you’re done for the day. No sale. Now if you do successfully finish your pitch for what you guess/think/hope is their dream car, instead of the back-and-forth dialogue in the car sales office where you make adjustments to the deal so that they have exactly what they’re looking for, what actually happens is the family makes all the important decisions about your car apart from you — you have no say in the discussion and no ability to try and talk them into the benefits of your car over the other cars they’re considering. Or they may decide they don’t want a car after all and go an entirely different direction. Or they may have liked your car a lot but then at the last second lost all their funding and are no longer able to buy a car or anything of the sort. But you won’t be contacted in any of those scenarios, so you only ever hear back if they want to buy your car specifically. And there’s no set time period for their decision making, so they might know within a day or two that they’ve lost their funding, or that they’re getting a horse instead of a car, or that they went with a different car, but you have to remain available for potentially weeks at a time until you can safely assume they’re no longer interested for whatever reason. And you only ever get paid if they choose your car from amongst the potentially hundreds of other options they’ve been presented with during their search. No base salary included here — it’s winner take all, everyone else goes home empty-handed: no runners-up, no consolation prizes.

That, my friends, is what an audition is like.

But don’t let that discourage any of you, it can still be a fun process, and even if you’re not any good you’ll probably make a sale or two every now and then, which is pretty cool.

…And hey, it could be worse, you could be a writer — that’s like car sales except you’re not even allowed in the room to make the initial pitch. Yikes.

Play on,

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An Oscar Retrospective (aka #ManCrush Monday on Seth MacFarlane)

In what critics are calling “the first and most original idea of 2013 or ever” I’ve decided to post a few of my thoughts on last night’s 85th annual Academy Awards.

Soft-shoeing their way into the hearts of millions...

Soft-shoeing their way into the hearts of millions…

For starters, Seth MacFarlane absolutely crushed it with the hosting duties, which is no easy task given that the über-critical media is just waiting to pounce on any and all missteps, real or imaginary. Also, keep in mind that we haven’t had a decent host for the ceremony since 2009’s festivities; last year was a past-his-prime Billy Crystal (whom I adore, but wasn’t great that time around…probably due at least in part to the fact that he was a last-second replacement for Eddie Murphy) and the year before was the dreadful Franco/Hathaway duo — she’s as bad at being herself as she is good at being other people and Franco just bounced back and forth between “possibly stoned” and “definitely stoned” the whole night. I thought Seth MacEff struck a great balance between deprecation of self vs. deprecation of others, and while every joke can’t be a home run (rough crowd to drop a Chris Brown/Rihanna joke on, I liked the Mel Gibson line but it was a bit passé, etc….though like any seasoned funny-man he recovered impressively and instantaneously) I thought the vast majority of his material was gold. And like it or not, I’m your male 18-34 demographic, so my opinion literally matters more than yours (18 trillion dollars of targeted advertising can’t be wrong). MacFarlane devotees already know that he has a passion for classic Hollywood (thus the soft-shoe numbers and old school pageantry of the opening performances) and if you’re smart enough to see through the boob-jokes, you’ll see a love for tinsel-town’s glamorous golden era that most of this generation lacks. Which leads me nicely into…

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Theology Thursday: Lent

I figure, if we can have Selfie Saturday, ManCrush Monday, Selfie Sunday, Taco Tuesday, Selfie ANYday, WomanCrush Wednesday…why not Theology Thursday? I can’t guarantee that this will be a consistently weekly series, but I can guarantee that it will happen today.

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Twenty for Twenty: Trax on Trax on Trax

Are some of you 20 years old out there? Nice! Would you be interested in hearing about a show that debuted the year you were born? Well you’re in luck, because I just had a totally original idea to take the 20th of every month to celebrate something from 20 years ago, which is in no way a cheap repurposing of the 10 for 10 gimmick that I came up with along with hundreds of other people.

The year was 1993, electricity had just recently been invented, and with it, came the advent of something called televised-vision (or television, for short). Along with an endless stream of gameshows, talk shows, and soap operas, televised-vision (or television for short (or TV for SUPER short, because acronyms hadn’t been invented yet)) came original, fictional programming.

Nineteen-Ninety-Thrice produced several breakout TV hits in this genre, but the one that was dearest to my heart while simultaneously being the most obscure reference I could make in this post is: Time Trax! What’s that? Never heard of Time Trax?! Well as Mister Rogers would say, “STRAP THE F*** IN, NEIGHBORS, IT’S TIME TO TAKE THE PARTY TROLLEY TO THE LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE!”

The year 2193: where we finally replaced "cks" with X, just like you always knew we would.

The year 2193: where we finally replaced “cks” with X, just like you always knew we would.

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