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Yelp Review of the First Thanksgiving

In a rare stroke of historical fortune, I managed to get my hands on Yelp reviews from the VERY FIRST Thanksgiving(!). Long considered some of the very first Yelp reviews ever documented, these offer some amazing and unique insight into our country’s history. Peruse and enjoy.

Edward_WinslowEdward “E.W.” Winslow:
Ugh, where do I even begin? At one time we used to come to the cornucopia at least four times a month, unfortunately in recent years the quality and service has degraded to the point that it is self abuse to even consider eating there.

I think that the management and the employees think that this poor excuse for service and food is acceptable considering how busy they are on Friday and Saturday nights, but most of the activity is outside in the parking lot and we have gone to eating elsewhere prior to showing up at Bobs and seeing our friends.

Here’s what you do.
1. Go to Ribs USA and have ribs and a pitcher.
2. Go Bob’s Parking Lot and look at the cars and see friends.
3. Pick up a latte at Starbucks next to Bob’s.

1/5 Stars, would not recommend.

220px-SamuelEliot_BostonAthenaeumS.E. Morrison:
Methinks I love it here!

My grandparents used to take me to this sort of thing when I was a kid which contributed to my status of “chubster.”

I have been begging my best friend Eric for years to go and he finally gave in.  We arrived late to avoid the crowds and seated almost immediately.

I remember the burgers being a bit bigger or maybe I just grew into them. They are delicious and the secret sauce is awesome. I enjoyed a diet coke and ended the evening with the chocolate ice cream cake. I nearly stabbed my friend’s hand off when he attempted to hijack some of my cake! It was that good. Of course I’d never resort to violence in a group like this, we just get along too well! :)

4/5 Stars, probably would recommend.

bannock-indians-500Asst. Chief Kevin “River Bull” Cuadogah:
Cranberry sauce was runny, turkey was dry, but the goose was okay. Stick around for the pumpkin pie though, you do NOT want to miss that! ;) Thought it was odd that several of the cooks asked me for tips on growing corn and catching fish so they could add new courses to their menu, not going to worry about it for now though..besides what’s the harm in sharing some tips & tricks — especially if it means more of that pie 8-)

3/5 Stars, may or may not recommend.

220px-CharlesAlexanderYoungAlexander Young:
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is this place so famous??? WHY?

I have an iron stomach, but every time I eat here I get sick. I initially get mentally sick off the taste/smell/consistency of the food and then later I get physically sick off the food itself.

Every time I go here, I ask myself, “Why did you forget that you hate this place AGAIN?”

If you must try this place, please at least refrain from getting a tuna melt. That’s just plain stupid!

1/5 Stars, would not recommend.

bradfordWilliam Bradford:
institution? yes
but the food is horrible
ick ick yuck ick ick.

2/5 Stars, probably would not recommend.

wampanoagLinda Coombs, Aquinnah Wampanoag:
I felt compelled to write a review, even after dining here many times. After seeing some of the other reviews, I think they are giving them a bad rap. If you visit an establishment one time and have a bad experience, don’t shoot down the business on one visit. Give them another chance and go again. Fortunately I have never had a bad experience either inside or with take out orders. Yes we all have our preference for food, so I just stick to the items I like. So far 5 stars for breakfast, the pulled pork sandwich, the turkey burger and the chili. Service has always been 5 stars. It’s a family place and I love the vibe of the noise. We live right across the street and I can tell you that yes parking can be a problem on Friday night, but come down our street (Rose) and park, police won’t bother you in the late afternoon/early evening, and lots of parking on Valley. We love it here, especially because it is an historical site and represents so many memories for so many people. We need more family friendly food places in this day and age of trendy hipster joints. Put down your veggie wrap and green tea and have a turkey burger and cranberry sauce milkshake once in awhile. Life is short. Also, could definitely take these guys in a fight.

5/5 Stars, would definitely recommend.

sj1Sarah Josepha Hale:
Forget Denny’s or IHOP! This place is awesome! Food is just as good if not better than those other places, but you mainly come here for the environment and nostalgia. And every Friday, they have car shows! Waitstaff seemed like mostly English-as-a-second-language speakers, but what they lacked in service skills they made up for in passion for their craft and work ethic. Could def take them in a war, though, if that sort of thing ever went down.

5/5 Stars, would definitely recommend.

IMG_0052Chief Temecuah “Beverly” Massasoit:
Flashback! OMG! Too bad there are not more of these places like when I was a kid! I loved taking pictures with the ginormous statue outside the building wearing his red and white pants! Good times, good times!

So I went back as an adult and got the original combo because I know how it’s supposed to taste! And OMG! THE SAME. NOTHING has changed except the location! :-D That is probably a good thing because I’d be a regular fixture and they’d be paying me to stay away! I of course washed it all down with a Coke! I WAS SO NOT WATCHING MY WAISTLINE THIS NIGHT, maybe watching it expand! ;)

The sauce — which you can buy in some grocery stores — was SOOOO YUMMY DELICIOUS! I was such a piggy! I of course could NOT finish it all but I sure had fun trying!

I needed to be rolled out of there by the time I was done! I certainly couldn’t drive so I had to just sit and wait for some of my food to go down! YIKES! Can somebody say “GLUT ALERT!” LOL So shameful! But I certainly enjoyed myself!

But it was DELICIOUS and I WILL BE BACK! The wait staff was really nice and friendly. They always were! I remember when I was a kid I learned a big money lesson here one year around Christmastime, which I have NEVER FORGOTTEN! In fact I am REALLY GOOD with money NOW! Try to take advantage of me, cheat me, steal from me and it will be the last thing you do!  LOL! ;)

I LOVE YOU!  Don’t evaaaa leave me! ;)

Could def take them in battle tho, and their knowledge of growing corn and netting fish is like NOPE. lol. Looks like they’re gonna need us for a long, long time. 8-)

5/5 Stars, would definitely recommend.

squantoSquanto:
Yawn, felt like a worse version of what I could’ve made for myself at home. Points for effort tho.

3/5 Stars, may or may not recommend.

eaEleanor Billington:
just another place where me and my ride or die betches can GET TURNT UP (lol i’m looking at you Elizabeth Hopkins, Mary Brewster, and Susanna (White) Winslow :-* xoxo). The vibe can get WEIRD if you stay long enough to wear out your welcome, but me and ma gurlssz always know how to keep the party going ALL NIGHT LONG ;) did someone say SHOTS? YASSSS PLZ.

5/5 Stars, would definitely recommend.

Play on,
Dustin

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Whose Blog is It Anyway?

whose-line-is-it-anyway-2013

So there are really only a handful of things from my childhood that are sacred to me: Bugs Bunny, the original Nintendo Entertainment System, Claussen pickles (always refrigerated, never frozen), and Whose Line is it Anyway (there are others, but four examples is plenty for you to get the idea: I wasn’t a particularly “cool” kid). Of those, Bugs Bunny is still on the air if you know where to look, I regrettably parted ways with the Nintendo (mostly due to a lapse in judgment and the fact that my brother and I had never seen $50 at once before), Claussen’s remain one of only five things (along with milk, salad, cereal, and alcohol) I feel comfortable buying from the grocery store, and Whose Line it Anyway had a nice run and then got cancelled.

Until NOW.

I never learned about capitalization for emphasis in writing school, I just kind of figured it out on my own…did somebody say savant?? I’m like the Bobby Fischer of capslock (google the reference, 90s kids).

Imagine how excited the kid in me got when he found out that Whose Line is it Anyway was coming back? More excited than when he found out ExoSquad was on Hulu Plus (…again, google it).

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An Oscar Retrospective (aka #ManCrush Monday on Seth MacFarlane)

In what critics are calling “the first and most original idea of 2013 or ever” I’ve decided to post a few of my thoughts on last night’s 85th annual Academy Awards.

Soft-shoeing their way into the hearts of millions...

Soft-shoeing their way into the hearts of millions…

For starters, Seth MacFarlane absolutely crushed it with the hosting duties, which is no easy task given that the über-critical media is just waiting to pounce on any and all missteps, real or imaginary. Also, keep in mind that we haven’t had a decent host for the ceremony since 2009’s festivities; last year was a past-his-prime Billy Crystal (whom I adore, but wasn’t great that time around…probably due at least in part to the fact that he was a last-second replacement for Eddie Murphy) and the year before was the dreadful Franco/Hathaway duo — she’s as bad at being herself as she is good at being other people and Franco just bounced back and forth between “possibly stoned” and “definitely stoned” the whole night. I thought Seth MacEff struck a great balance between deprecation of self vs. deprecation of others, and while every joke can’t be a home run (rough crowd to drop a Chris Brown/Rihanna joke on, I liked the Mel Gibson line but it was a bit passé, etc….though like any seasoned funny-man he recovered impressively and instantaneously) I thought the vast majority of his material was gold. And like it or not, I’m your male 18-34 demographic, so my opinion literally matters more than yours (18 trillion dollars of targeted advertising can’t be wrong). MacFarlane devotees already know that he has a passion for classic Hollywood (thus the soft-shoe numbers and old school pageantry of the opening performances) and if you’re smart enough to see through the boob-jokes, you’ll see a love for tinsel-town’s glamorous golden era that most of this generation lacks. Which leads me nicely into…

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