Tag Archives: Christmas

Happy Fourth Twitterversary! Twenty-Five Tweets for You!

I started my twitter four years ago today, to impress a girl. March 12, 2009. Don’t ask me why I know that. Actually ask me why I know that. I know that because for a while, if you went to your profile page on the twitter app for iPhone, it told you what day you joined and I have a photographic memory. Probably. My first tweet was the exceedingly clever and original: “is trying to figure out what the deuce twitter is for…and how it’s different/better than facebook status updates.”

You’re impressed, I can tell. And now here in March 2013 (and 16,567 tweets later), I’m proud to say that I still have no idea how it’s different/better than facebook status updates, but for whatever reason it’s a lot of fun, so I keep at it.

As a treat to myself disguised as a treat to you, I’ve selected some of my favorite tweets from my first year of tweeting, all the way back in 2009, to share here as an twitterversary present. Enjoy them or dis-enjoy them, it’s up to you. And if you feel so inclined, follow me @ocdustino — sometimes I tweet things that are funnier than my first tweet, if only slightly.

And how did I end up with this as my twitter background picture? No one knows, and more importantly, no one cares.

And how did I end up with this as my twitter background picture? No one knows, and more importantly, no one cares.

The Highlights of 2009, in tweet form:
Oh you know, just sitting next to Alec Baldwin, no big deal. yep, this is LA. — April 26th (the first of literally thousands of the douchier things I’d tweet)

I wonder if my spray-on sunblock will cancel out the effects of my spray-on tan? — May 1st

I don’t care too much for money…which is a good thing since apparently it doesn’t care too much for me, either. — June 1st

Subway lady messed up my sandwich order 6 different times — I didn’t realize the sandwich artists were taking so many artistic liberties these days. — June 4th

sometimes it gets boring making out with hot girls…solution? make out with EVEN HOTTER girls. I should be president of awesome. — June 18th

I left my heart in San Francisco…but I left my genitals in Las Vegas. — June 27th

I’m celebrating 4th of July just like my forefathers did: oppressing minorities and claiming someone else’s land as my own. — July 4th

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Twenty for Twenty: Trax on Trax on Trax

Are some of you 20 years old out there? Nice! Would you be interested in hearing about a show that debuted the year you were born? Well you’re in luck, because I just had a totally original idea to take the 20th of every month to celebrate something from 20 years ago, which is in no way a cheap repurposing of the 10 for 10 gimmick that I came up with along with hundreds of other people.

The year was 1993, electricity had just recently been invented, and with it, came the advent of something called televised-vision (or television, for short). Along with an endless stream of gameshows, talk shows, and soap operas, televised-vision (or television for short (or TV for SUPER short, because acronyms hadn’t been invented yet)) came original, fictional programming.

Nineteen-Ninety-Thrice produced several breakout TV hits in this genre, but the one that was dearest to my heart while simultaneously being the most obscure reference I could make in this post is: Time Trax! What’s that? Never heard of Time Trax?! Well as Mister Rogers would say, “STRAP THE F*** IN, NEIGHBORS, IT’S TIME TO TAKE THE PARTY TROLLEY TO THE LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE!”

The year 2193: where we finally replaced "cks" with X, just like you always knew we would.

The year 2193: where we finally replaced “cks” with X, just like you always knew we would.

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Dustin’s Three to See: January

Don’t get out to the movies as often as, say, a single 29-year-old manchild with an escapism complex? Well don’t fret, I’ve taken all of Hollywood’s shoddy offerings and narrowed them down to the three that won’t make your $20 movie ticket feel like a total waste. I call it Dustin’s Three to See because I am as creative as a kindergartner. As always I keep things as spoiler free as possible.

As any even casual observer of movie culture can tell you, January is a bad month for movies. Generally considered the graveyard of the release calendar, January is where bad movies go to die. After the holidays people usually have less in the budget for activities like moviegoing or tipping their bartender, and as a result, movies that are deemed not as good as movies like Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection end up here. Whether it’s rewrites, poor focus group results, or just an overall bad film…if you think of a movie as a toddler, January is the timeout-chair its sent to when it’s misbehaved.

That said, there were still a couple diamonds to be found in the rough of this January, and if you got an AMC giftcard for Christmas like I did, here are the January releases that are worth your while.

Movie 1) — Gangster Squad
Remember a second ago when I said how January is full of mediocre movies? Gangster Squad is not a good movie. However, it’s not a terrible movie, either. And against the rest of the January slate, that makes it…watchable. The awful tragedy in Aurora, Colorado last summer meant that Gangster Squad’s much-publicized scene where the gangsters shoot through a movie theater screen and into the audience instantly became extremely inappropriate, meaning that the newly-infamous scene and the ending of the movie both needed to be rewritten and reshot before the film could be released. Whether it was those drastic post-wrap changes or something else that made Gangster Squad only okay, we’ll never know. But if you like Ryan Gosling (and just a cursory glance at any social media suggests that you do…a lot), flapper-style Emma Stone, and some cool period-accurate visuals, Gangster Squad is worth a go…if only to whet your whistle for when The Great Gatsby comes out.

Hey girl, sorry you couldn't be in Drive.

Hey girl, sorry you couldn’t be in Drive.

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30 in 30, Day 1: Every Journey Begins with a Single Christmas Parody Video

Hey guys,

College football kicked off the 2011/12 season today, and I’m stoked to be kicking off an event of my own (albeit a less important one). As you may or may not recall, I am technically an “actor,” and while I’m no Carl Weathers in terms of sheer talent, I’ve been fortunate enough to work on a few pretty cool projects lately, but I’ve been looking for a way to broadcast some small parts of those projects, while simultaneously working on ways to push my creativity in preparation for what is shaping up to be a pretty active next few months.  Yes, that was all one sentence. I am paid by the comma.

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The Annual Heveron Extended-Family Christmas Party & Photo-Tour

So I got an email from my Uncle Hank a little while back, filled with all the pictures from our extended family Christmas party. Great shots of the whole family, everyone really enjoying themselves and getting into the holiday spirit, food, fun — there were even some candid shots of everybody singing around the dinner table.  There’s only one problem: I do not have an Uncle Hank. I don’t have an Uncle Hank, I don’t have a step-Uncle named Hank, I don’t have one of those close family friends who isn’t related to you but your parents refer to them as “uncle” anyway — I don’t even know anyone NAMED Hank. The closest association I have to someone named Hank is Captain Kirk’s buddy, the doctor character from the original Star Trek — a show I’ve never actually seen, but still have the misfortune of being aware of thanks to the pop-culture machine that raised me.

After a rudimentary examination of the email to make sure that it wasn’t the .00001% of spam emails that make it through both gmail’s spam filter and Apple’s junk mailbox, I saw that the fellow recipients of this Christmas recap email (which contained a whopping 21 full size picture attachments) all seemed like legit people as well. Although for the record, I’m not related to an Eileen Heveron, Margaret Heveron, or Robert Heveron, either. Now I love my family very much, but I thought it might be fun to take a photo-tour through the Christmas party of the family I’m not related to. And in an age where every embarrassing thing you do needs to be captured on the internet where it can be preserved for all time, why not post Uncle Hank’s faux pas on the blog for the whole world to see? I mean after all, any of you have better odds of showing up in these pictures than I do.

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