Tag Archives: 2009

Happy Fourth Twitterversary! Twenty-Five Tweets for You!

I started my twitter four years ago today, to impress a girl. March 12, 2009. Don’t ask me why I know that. Actually ask me why I know that. I know that because for a while, if you went to your profile page on the twitter app for iPhone, it told you what day you joined and I have a photographic memory. Probably. My first tweet was the exceedingly clever and original: “is trying to figure out what the deuce twitter is for…and how it’s different/better than facebook status updates.”

You’re impressed, I can tell. And now here in March 2013 (and 16,567 tweets later), I’m proud to say that I still have no idea how it’s different/better than facebook status updates, but for whatever reason it’s a lot of fun, so I keep at it.

As a treat to myself disguised as a treat to you, I’ve selected some of my favorite tweets from my first year of tweeting, all the way back in 2009, to share here as an twitterversary present. Enjoy them or dis-enjoy them, it’s up to you. And if you feel so inclined, follow me @ocdustino — sometimes I tweet things that are funnier than my first tweet, if only slightly.

And how did I end up with this as my twitter background picture? No one knows, and more importantly, no one cares.

And how did I end up with this as my twitter background picture? No one knows, and more importantly, no one cares.

The Highlights of 2009, in tweet form:
Oh you know, just sitting next to Alec Baldwin, no big deal. yep, this is LA. — April 26th (the first of literally thousands of the douchier things I’d tweet)

I wonder if my spray-on sunblock will cancel out the effects of my spray-on tan? — May 1st

I don’t care too much for money…which is a good thing since apparently it doesn’t care too much for me, either. — June 1st

Subway lady messed up my sandwich order 6 different times — I didn’t realize the sandwich artists were taking so many artistic liberties these days. — June 4th

sometimes it gets boring making out with hot girls…solution? make out with EVEN HOTTER girls. I should be president of awesome. — June 18th

I left my heart in San Francisco…but I left my genitals in Las Vegas. — June 27th

I’m celebrating 4th of July just like my forefathers did: oppressing minorities and claiming someone else’s land as my own. — July 4th

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An Oscar Retrospective (aka #ManCrush Monday on Seth MacFarlane)

In what critics are calling “the first and most original idea of 2013 or ever” I’ve decided to post a few of my thoughts on last night’s 85th annual Academy Awards.

Soft-shoeing their way into the hearts of millions...

Soft-shoeing their way into the hearts of millions…

For starters, Seth MacFarlane absolutely crushed it with the hosting duties, which is no easy task given that the über-critical media is just waiting to pounce on any and all missteps, real or imaginary. Also, keep in mind that we haven’t had a decent host for the ceremony since 2009’s festivities; last year was a past-his-prime Billy Crystal (whom I adore, but wasn’t great that time around…probably due at least in part to the fact that he was a last-second replacement for Eddie Murphy) and the year before was the dreadful Franco/Hathaway duo — she’s as bad at being herself as she is good at being other people and Franco just bounced back and forth between “possibly stoned” and “definitely stoned” the whole night. I thought Seth MacEff struck a great balance between deprecation of self vs. deprecation of others, and while every joke can’t be a home run (rough crowd to drop a Chris Brown/Rihanna joke on, I liked the Mel Gibson line but it was a bit passé, etc….though like any seasoned funny-man he recovered impressively and instantaneously) I thought the vast majority of his material was gold. And like it or not, I’m your male 18-34 demographic, so my opinion literally matters more than yours (18 trillion dollars of targeted advertising can’t be wrong). MacFarlane devotees already know that he has a passion for classic Hollywood (thus the soft-shoe numbers and old school pageantry of the opening performances) and if you’re smart enough to see through the boob-jokes, you’ll see a love for tinsel-town’s glamorous golden era that most of this generation lacks. Which leads me nicely into…

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