Live, Die, Repeat…Repeat

Tom Cruise’s summer action movie, Edge of Tomorrow, was more lackluster than blockbuster, so when they released the movie on BluRay and digital, they retitled and rebranded it as “Live. Die. Repeat.” hoping the more straightforward title would attract viewers that passed over it the first time. But what you probably didn’t know is that it kickstarted a trend with the studios that has made retitling movies the new hot marketing tactic in Hollywood. Here is a guide to the films you may recognize and their new release titles, feel free to use and share it with your friends.

MORE ACCURATE REBRANDED MOVIES:

X-Men: Days of Future Past = The Original Jennifer Lawrence Leaked Nudes

Divergent = Hunger Games

Transformers: Age of Extinction = Michael Bay’s Three-Hour Explosiongasm (Plot Optional)

Neighbors = A Less Good Version of the Movie ‘Old School’ for People Too Young to Remember ‘Old School’

A Million Ways to Die in the West = Forty Million Dollars to Waste in New Mexico

Captain America: The Winter Soldier = Avengers 1.5

The Fault in Our Stars = How to Lose a Guy in Eight Days

Godzilla = Breaking Dad

Blended = The Brady Bunch (with Fewer Laughs)

Guardians of The Galaxy = Christ Pratt & The Quest to Determine Who You’re Less Familiar With: The Alien Characters on His Superhero Team or The Actors Playing Them

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 = The Only-Amazing-By-Comparison-to-the-Tobey-Maguire-Trilogy Spider-Man

300: Rise of An Empire = 300: Fall of a Franchise

Grand Budapest Hotel = Wes Anderson and The Exact Same Actors As Always Make a Movie Only Your Elitist Hipster Friends Saw

Aaron Paul’s Need for Speed = Aaron Paul’s Need for Work

Noah = Anything As Long as Russell Crowe Isn’t Singing

Draft Day = First Round Bust

22 Jump Street = 22-Year-Olds Love This Movie

The Purge: Anarchy = Leaving Las Vegas

Wish I Was Here = Zach Braff’s Ponzi Scheme

TMNT = Megan Fox’s Last Shot

The Expendables 3 = theexpendables3.torrent

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For = Sin City: An Audience to Kill For

The Maze Runner = Hunger Games

Sex Tape = All Your Favorite References From Five Years Ago

Malificent = #YesAllWomen

The Giver = Hunger Games

And there you have it…remember boys and girls, if you’re gonna watch, watch educated.

Play on,
Dustin

…Want more Mind Bullets? New posts go up every Wednesday at noon PST (or as close to that as I feel like), and you can subscribe if you want them delivered right to your inbox! …Or if you’re too impatient to wait that long you can follow me on twitter, instagram, youtube (new videos every Monday), and my boring personal website. Whew, that’s a lot of self promotion…even I don’t like me enough to keep up with all that.

Advertisement

Your Fly is Down

As some of you are aware, I work a day job as an actor to help fund and fuel my dream to one day become a waiter. As a result, I sometimes find myself in wacky situations for acting purposes, this was definitely the case for a recent commercial shoot I was on that almost didn’t happen because apparently airlines can just straight up cancel their flights if they feel like it, no big whoop. Below is 31 hours of travel shenanigans compressed into seven minutes of me talking into a camera. Watch it if that’s your thing. If it’s not your thing, go back to eating your high cholesterol fatty foods, you stereotypical American, you.

So there you have it, a day in the life of a sort-of actor. Next time I should just take my personal jet like Clooney does.

Play on,
Dustin

Here is the first picture that popped up when I googled my own name:

if I’d taken senior portraits, I’m certain they would’ve looked like this.

 

…Want more Mind Bullets? New posts go up every Wednesday at noon PST (or as close to that as I feel like), and you can subscribe if you want them delivered right to your inbox. Or if you’re too impatient to wait that long you can follow me on twitter, instagram, youtube (new videos every Monday), and my boring personal website. Whew, that’s a lot of self promotion…even I don’t like me enough to keep up with all that.

Paid to Pool Party

I’m going to be completely upfront with you for a second: I am bored out of my mind by what I’m about to show you. The premise is simple, I was shooting a commercial (as I’ve been known to do from time to time), and sometimes I try to get some nifty “behind the scenes” footage when I perform in these TV adverts because it sounds like a good way to get some extra mileage out of my acting “career“. But then I get home and try to string it together (I edit out very little) and it always just comes off pretty boring to me. How’s THAT for a knock-your-socks-off sales pitch? However I was always taught not to waste anything, so it feels like I still need to put these behind-the-scenes vlogs online. Because that’s what I learned watching SchoolHouse Rock as a child/teen/adult. Anyway here’s the latest, I hope you hate it. :)

Play on,
Dustin

Still not bored? Try this similar vlog on for size, or maybe THIS nearly identical one!

 

Oh and here’s a picture of me shirtless:

This is my father and I at a pool in Palm Springs, California. It is unrelated to the rest of this post.

Dustin Doctor Audition

As a companion of sorts to the piece I wrote yesterday about auditions, I thought I’d give you a real live glimpse into the everyday auditioning world of professional actor, Dustin Heveron. Enjoy, and feel free to share this with anyone who likes to laugh or who needs a “don’t end up like him” sort of warning in their life. (Full disclosure, it gets pretty PG-13 at parts, so don’t say you weren’t warned).

Play on,
Dustin

…If you enjoyed that video, other, lower definition and less funny videos of mine can be found here (Dustin as Son of Santa Claus), here (Dustin’s 100% Real Movie Trailer), and here (Dustin makes a short film from start to finish in a single weekend).

Also, because I’m told people like pretty things, here is a pretty picture I took with my iPhone. If you follow me on twitter or instagram, you’ve probably already seen it. Like the badass you are.

People are always complaining about how not beautiful the ocean is, but I just don’t get it.

What’s your favorite pretty thing? Leave your answers in the comments section!

Auditioning

I wish I was this good looking in real life. (Note: this is not my actual headshot).

I had an audition today (it went decently well…let’s hope the casting director thinks it did, too), and it brought up something people ask me about a lot — what an audition is like. Obviously my actor friends already have a pretty good sense for this kind of thing, but for all you non-actors or not-yet-but-thinking-about-it actors, this is sort of what auditioning feels like:

Picture yourself as a car salesman, trying to sell a car to a family of four — except instead of having the entire car lot’s selection to choose from, you only have one car type to choose from (this represents the parts of your performance you don’t have any control over: race, gender, weight-range, eye color, etc.). Now let’s say car specifics like what color it is, whether it has a spoiler or not, tinted windows, etc., represent the elements of your performance that you do have control over (i.e. how you play the character, how well you memorize your lines, etc.). Except instead of asking questions about how the buyers would like things customized to what they’re looking for, you just have to make your best guess based on a vague, one-sentence (or less) description that was given to you a day or two beforehand. And instead of an entire afternoon of discussion with the buyers, you only get about two-to-five minutes of their time to sell them on your best guess as to the sort of car you think they might want. Maybe. And if you mess up your pitch, you may get another chance to start your pitch from the beginning, or they might just tell you they’ve seen/heard all they care to and you’re done for the day. No sale. Now if you do successfully finish your pitch for what you guess/think/hope is their dream car, instead of the back-and-forth dialogue in the car sales office where you make adjustments to the deal so that they have exactly what they’re looking for, what actually happens is the family makes all the important decisions about your car apart from you — you have no say in the discussion and no ability to try and talk them into the benefits of your car over the other cars they’re considering. Or they may decide they don’t want a car after all and go an entirely different direction. Or they may have liked your car a lot but then at the last second lost all their funding and are no longer able to buy a car or anything of the sort. But you won’t be contacted in any of those scenarios, so you only ever hear back if they want to buy your car specifically. And there’s no set time period for their decision making, so they might know within a day or two that they’ve lost their funding, or that they’re getting a horse instead of a car, or that they went with a different car, but you have to remain available for potentially weeks at a time until you can safely assume they’re no longer interested for whatever reason. And you only ever get paid if they choose your car from amongst the potentially hundreds of other options they’ve been presented with during their search. No base salary included here — it’s winner take all, everyone else goes home empty-handed: no runners-up, no consolation prizes.

That, my friends, is what an audition is like.

But don’t let that discourage any of you, it can still be a fun process, and even if you’re not any good you’ll probably make a sale or two every now and then, which is pretty cool.

…And hey, it could be worse, you could be a writer — that’s like car sales except you’re not even allowed in the room to make the initial pitch. Yikes.

Play on,
Dustin