well, it’s official: after the morning I had today, I can tell you without a doubt that I need to join AA.
that is, American Airlines’ official fan club! because let me tell you how much they rock! for starters, their planes are guaranteed to fly some of your luggage to where you need to go, just as soon as they can get around to it. do you need them to fly you somewhere? well chum, today is your lucky day, because if you need flown someplace, AA will send two planes to fly you! the first one to show you how special you are to them as a client by having it show up 40 minutes after your scheduled departure time, then they’ll ship that plane off for “maintenence.” and just as soon as you can say “I paid $500 for this?”, they’ll have your second plane there, lickety split, barely an hour after the first one left! what service! and are you tired of not paying fifteen US dollars to check your bags? well fret no more, friend, because AA has that covered, too! every time you want to pay $15 for AA to lose your bags, they will! count on it! how about seats so small that Gary Coleman wouldn’t be able to fit? no worries there, ’cause the second you plop down on that plush 1/8 inch of cushioning that covers every single barely-reclining AA chair, you won’t feel like you’re in America, you’ll feel like you’re in the magical land of Oz, and it’s your turn to be the mayor of Munchkinland! hope you brought your lollipop guild!
don’t pinch yourself, you’re not dreaming, your just flying American Airlines: everything purgatory was desinged to be and more!
also, I need to join Alcoholics Anonymous. Merry Christmas Eve.
Mucho holiday love,