Tag Archives: twitterversary

The Advent of @ocdustino: A History

the face of @ocdustino...look how pretty he is when he's not talking.

the face of @ocdustino…look how pretty he is when he’s not talking.

People  almost never  always ask me about my preferred social media handle — which is @ocdustino for those of you who neglected to read the title of this post — where it came from, what it means, why I have it tattooed on my left ass cheek, etc. And with it being my twitterversary week (yes, that’s a thing; no, I’m not dating anyone. I fail to see the connection) it seemed like a good time to explore the legend of @ocdustino. Buckle in, cadets, you’re in for the sort of history lesson they don’t give you in school. Except maybe homeschool if I homeschool my future kids and I’m really hungover/scrambling for some filler topics that day.

The year was 1867, I was a freshman in college, and the lightbulb had just recently been invented, which meant that we could use our computers indoors, any time of the day or night! This quickly led to the invention of something called AOL Instant Messenger (or AIM for short, because you know if your acronym needs an acronym, you’re doing it right). AIM was primarily invented as a means for people to post their favorite Brand New/Something Corporate lyrics or disparaging passive-aggressive comments about their boy/girlfriend, but quickly evolved into a sort of instant messaging service that was kind of like a two-person internet chatroom, but somehow not as creepy as an actual internet chatroom. Meeting and then getting captured/raped/killed by strangers from the internet wasn’t a thing at the time (craigslist hadn’t been invented yet), but because superheroes/secret identities were still really popular (our Batman was Michael Keaton — ha! Can you believe that? Michael Keaton!) everyone used pseudonyms (known as “screen names”) to effectively hide their true identities from strangers, while also expressing their interests to those same strangers. Screen names like “CheerKick44”, “Platypussy02”, “ExtraExtraSloppy”, “GoldfishDanzer”, “Star19Catcher”, “DivaQueen02” were the norm (fun fact: I only made two of those up). Pretty rad nicknames right? Your screen name said a lot about who you were, and you wanted it to be cool, concise, and clever. With some numbers at the end like the year you graduated or your jersey number from high school athletics because someone probably already had the version of the screen name you wanted that didn’t have numbers.

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Happy Fourth Twitterversary! Twenty-Five Tweets for You!

I started my twitter four years ago today, to impress a girl. March 12, 2009. Don’t ask me why I know that. Actually ask me why I know that. I know that because for a while, if you went to your profile page on the twitter app for iPhone, it told you what day you joined and I have a photographic memory. Probably. My first tweet was the exceedingly clever and original: “is trying to figure out what the deuce twitter is for…and how it’s different/better than facebook status updates.”

You’re impressed, I can tell. And now here in March 2013 (and 16,567 tweets later), I’m proud to say that I still have no idea how it’s different/better than facebook status updates, but for whatever reason it’s a lot of fun, so I keep at it.

As a treat to myself disguised as a treat to you, I’ve selected some of my favorite tweets from my first year of tweeting, all the way back in 2009, to share here as an twitterversary present. Enjoy them or dis-enjoy them, it’s up to you. And if you feel so inclined, follow me @ocdustino — sometimes I tweet things that are funnier than my first tweet, if only slightly.

And how did I end up with this as my twitter background picture? No one knows, and more importantly, no one cares.

And how did I end up with this as my twitter background picture? No one knows, and more importantly, no one cares.

The Highlights of 2009, in tweet form:
Oh you know, just sitting next to Alec Baldwin, no big deal. yep, this is LA. — April 26th (the first of literally thousands of the douchier things I’d tweet)

I wonder if my spray-on sunblock will cancel out the effects of my spray-on tan? — May 1st

I don’t care too much for money…which is a good thing since apparently it doesn’t care too much for me, either. — June 1st

Subway lady messed up my sandwich order 6 different times — I didn’t realize the sandwich artists were taking so many artistic liberties these days. — June 4th

sometimes it gets boring making out with hot girls…solution? make out with EVEN HOTTER girls. I should be president of awesome. — June 18th

I left my heart in San Francisco…but I left my genitals in Las Vegas. — June 27th

I’m celebrating 4th of July just like my forefathers did: oppressing minorities and claiming someone else’s land as my own. — July 4th

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