Tag Archives: ladies

Five Rules for Dating Dudes

As an eligible, edible, knowledgeable young single man, I’m often approached by eager young women who want to know how to attract and maintain their relationship with “their man.”  Since I’m the sort of generous person who always wants to help others achieve their dreams (and because I need the tax write off), I decided to compile this brief list for all the ladies out there who want to land “their man” and then keep “their man” happily in relationship with them.  So ladies, just follow these guidelines and you and “your man” will be husband and wife before you know it, and then he’ll have to stay with you regardless of unhappy he is, and you won’t have to worry reading dumb articles about how to please “your man.”

Rule #1) Don’t refer to your man as “your man.”  Unlike women — who are used to being objectified through centuries of practice and conditioning — men are fairly new to the concept, and as such find it pretty off-putting.  We like to pretend we’re wild and untamable — as incapable of being contained/controlled as the wind or Kobe Bryant’s sexual advances.  Deluding ourselves into this mental state is a huge part of where our self-worth comes from, and as a female, you’ll have a lot better luck keeping us around if you don’t challenge this frame of mind.  In fact, the strongest/happiest/longest relationships are the ones where the female is so good at keeping the male in his mental illusion of wild freedom and independence that he doesn’t even realize he’s standing around for her, holding her purse while she’s in the bathroom or out on the dance floor.  But that’s a pretty advanced move, best to start with baby steps. Continue reading

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