Liar, Liar, Lance on Fire

I only used this many kinds of drugs…

Two stories centered around deception broke this week: Lance Armstrong’s not-as-tearful-as-you-would-expect admission to using performance enhancing drugs, and Manti Te’o’s (that can’t be the right way to apostrophize his last name but I’m out of other ideas) imaginary dead cancer victim girlfriend.

If you haven’t heard the details, I highly recommend using the search website I invented, http://www.google.com, to get a summa

Here’s my take.

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Topical References: A Review of 1980 SNL

I always try to keep these things under 500 words, to make them more accessible to you ADHD kids with your glowsticks and your Kardashian sisters and your pogs to distract you. Out of the 135 posts I have on here, I’ve been successful exactly…zero times. But like I always say, one-hundred-and-thirty-sixth time’s the charm.

Saturday Night Live (or, to use the abbreviation I invented for it, SNL) is starting its 38th season, making it America’s longest-running television show (unless it’s not, I didn’t feel like fact-checking that). If you’re Amish and have never seen the show (yet somehow have a computer, an internet connection and are reading this blog), SNL is a sketch-comedy/musical show whose general premise is to put a celebrity in wacky situations for 90 minutes and hope the supporting cast of funny people around them can make a handful of the sketches bearable. And twice per episode they cut away to the musical guest du jour. Some casts are more successful at this than others, and I could probably crank out a pretty healthy 12,000-word article trying to rank each years’ casts in order from best to worst, but man does that sound like a lot of work. Maybe some other time.

30 in 30, Day 19: Celebrity Crush Power-Rankings and Why It’s Not Sexist

As we enter the time of year where friends are drawn near, loved ones are cherished, and family is still taken for granted, just slightly less so, I felt it would be a good time to mix in some good, ol’ fashioned chauvinism and rank my top celebrity  objects  crushes.  Disclaimer: these rankings are totally subjective to me and my personal preferences, and are in no way a reflection of my value of women or relationships as a whole. Considerations include, but are not limited to: attractiveness (both physical attractiveness and whatever sort of mental/personality/emotional attractiveness I assign them based on tv/radio/print or fabricated interviews), career sustainability, drug use (or in particular, the lack thereof), chances that said crush would sleep with me, potential parenting skills, hotness (different from attractiveness), industry cred, proximity in age (sort of), chances that said crush wouldn’t sleep with me, predicted fidelity, and likelihood she won’t randomly go batshit crazy at some point (at least relative to most women, since there’s no such thing as women who don’t have at least some chance of randomly going batshit crazy at some point).