The Nine Phrases You Need to Stop Using in Your Bio

Spoiler Alert: social media is kind of a big deal.  We live in a fast-paced, media savvy world where we, as individuals, are less often required to simply describe ourselves by a list of hobbies and stats as we are called upon to sell ourselves as a brand or product.  Presenting yourself in a compelling and unique fashion isn’t a luxury for those with the gift of gab, it’s a necessity to showcase what makes you better than the next guy.  Potential employers are skimming your facebook page, potential love interests are scrolling through your twitter profile, and potential stalkers are checking your foursquare account so they can plan “accidental” run-ins with you at Whole Foods (w/ @ocdustino & 9 other people http://4sq.com/89ExVc).

All that translates into a world where — if you want to put your best virtual foot forward — you need to have something better than “LiVe LaUgH lOvE” in your About Me section.  Since I have a weekend’s worth of bad karma to undo (and by “karma” I mean “liver damage”), I’m gonna give you a head start by presenting…

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Hair Trigger

So I’ve been hearing a lot of feedback about my hair lately. As is usually the case when dealing with opinions, this feedback falls into one of three categories: negative, positive, and neutral. The only downside when dealing with hair is that the negative feedback tends to be a lot more descriptive and specific than the positive or neutral; people who like your hair typically choose comments such as “I like your hair” and leave it at that. Folks in the neutral camp might go with “your hair looks ok” or something along those lines. But the negative group — rather than simply state “I don’t like your hair” or “your hair is bad” — feel the need to describe every single thing they dislike about it (“I hate the way you part your hair” “I can’t believe you’re growing it out, it looks awful” “it’s so gross and wispy looking” “you look Amish” etc.), then repeat their complaints in as many different ways and as often as possible. It would be nice if this worked both ways, and that if someone really liked your hair, instead of limiting themselves to the one-time “I dig your hair” they’d yell “OH MY GOD, YOUR HAIR IS SO AWESOME! I love the way it sticks up in the back and I wish I could follow you around and stare at it all day, I love it so” every single time they saw you. But they can’t, because A) that’s creepy and B) I doubt that anyone likes someone’s haircut enough to actually feel those emotions about hair…and really one hair compliment per person is plenty.