Pitching the Perfect Game: Summer Blockbusters 2013

A couple weeks back in my WILDLY POPULAR PODCAST (available on both iTunes, this incredibly futuristic podcasting site, and youtube if you’re more of a vodcast guy/gal), I mentioned something somewhat briefly, but I wanted to make sure it got the appropriate amount of attention:

We are in the middle of a summer blockbuster movie season that is pitching the PERFECT GAME!

Here are several characters that I own zero copyrights to.

As my inner circle of close friends and court-appointed psychologists can tell you, my baseball analogies are a little on the weak side due to my limited knowledge of the game…that said, I’m pretty sure that in baseball, a perfect game is where the pitcher only throws strikes, and thus strikes everyone out in exactly 81 strikes. I also believe that this is somehow different from a “no-hitter” though I’m not really sure how, so I will stop embarrassing my friend Crocker by trying to guess.

Back to the analogy, this summer blockbuster movie season is pitching us nothing but strikes so far, and is well on its way to pitching us nothing but strikes over the next eight weeks. As a fan of summer blockbuster movie seasons, I’m ecstatic. I’m rooting for the SBBMS to pitch the perfect game, and you should be too.

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The Friday Five: Five Rules for Choosing Your Karaoke Song

“For this I will lament and wail; I will go stripped and naked; I will make lamentation like the jackals, and cry out like the ostriches.”

…That verse from Micah (chapter one, verse eight) probably marks one of the earliest references to karaoke in the Old Testament (that’s the first half of the Bible, to all you pagans out there). The simple fact of the matter is that at some point in your life, you are going to have to sing (or at least co-sing) a song in some sort of karaoke situation. Oh sure, I’ve heard all the excuses before “I’d never let myself sink that low” “I’m too careful to end up like that” “I’m a good person”, etc. but the fact of the matter is you can either prepare mentally and spiritually for this kind of thing, or you can just live in denial and be caught totally off guard when it happens to you (and trust me, it will). Bachelorette parties, housewarmings, cookouts, bar mitzvahs…technology has progressed in such a way that karaoke can strike anywhere, at any time, and even if you take every precaution available, karaoke will find you. And when it does, karaoke will show no mercy. Luckily, I’m here for you, and if you follow a few simple guidelines, you can survive karaoke as unscathed as possible…and heck, you might even come out of it with a good story to tell.

Five Karaoke Rules that will keep you from ending up like this guy. You’re welcome.                                                     (Note: The National Anthem is not a great karaoke song choice)

Rule 1: Know your level of vocal ability.
I always think this one is a no-brainer, but then every year I see a new set of American Idol promos (I haven’t watched an actual episode of American Idol since the Clay Aiken/Ruben Studdard season, I was too hurt after watching Clay unjustly lose to ever go back…plus those types of shows are pretty played out) where an astoundingly high number of people can’t sing. It’s one thing to be blissfully unaware that you’re singing is off-pitch (shout out to whoever was standing behind me in church this week*, but you do you, homeslice), but there’s a special level of pain I feel for people that are terrible singers and have NO IDEA! Like whoever is the Paula these days will be like “sorry sweetie, you’re no good” and the contestant will be all like “Psh YOU DON’T KNOW MY WORLD SON, I’ma take my voice and go out and make a million dollars without your show! I voted green party!” and then we never hear or see them again, with the sort-of exception of William Hung, who is on national TV about as often as I am (AKA not very). The moral of the story is: it may be painful, but do whatever you have to in order to figure out how good of a singer you are BEFORE you find yourself in front of a group of people at a karaoke bar or a panel of Randy Jackson types.

30 in 30, Day 27: The Five Best Gifts to Get Your Man

Whether the occasion is a birthday, holiday, anniversary, or Jewish high holy day, a constant frustration I hear from many girlfriends/wives is that they’re almost never sure what would be the best gift to get their man. Well fret not, considerate ladies of the world, because I’m here to tell you the five gifts that any man you’re dating will want (so I hope you saved the receipt for that 70th Anniversary Collector’s Edition of Gone with the Wind).

30 in 30, Day 25: Day of Rest

It’s my weekly day off from creating, and the last break I’ll have before the completion of my little 30 in 30 project. Had a nice lunch with mom and dad, and I play to spend the rest of the day sitting on the couch, watching Tom Brady win, my Bengals try to win, and people who like baseball lose more debates about which sport is best. If you’re looking to pass the time, may I recommend some of my previous posts, listed below.

 

Movies Hollywood is allowed to remake (and one of them actually happened, because I am psychic).

A collection of pictures of strangers, sent to me by a stranger.

Why failure isn’t that big of a deal (and will actually help you improve).

30 in 30, Day 8: Pregaming Episode 2

For those of you who enjoyed last week’s premiere edition of the official Heveron Bros. sports podcast: Pregaming with Dustin & Jared, you will probably love this week’s even Heveronier, more jam-packed version! For those who hated last week’s pod, you will probably hate this one as well. But sometime’s there’s just no pleasing you. You know who you are. I’m looking at you, Mariah. (Call me back).

Listen to the pod on my personal website which looks like it was made by an eighth-grader here.

Or subscribe to Pregaming in the slightly-more-professional-feeling iTunes podcast center here.

As always you can join in the action by commenting what you liked/disliked on the blog, or via my twitter (@ocdustino) or carrier-pigeon, whichever you prefer.

Cheers,
Dustin