Don’t get out to the movies as often as, say, a single 29-year-old man-child with an escapism complex? Well don’t fret, I’ve taken all of Hollywood’s shoddy offerings and narrowed them down to the three that won’t make your $20 movie ticket feel like a total waste. I call it Dustin’s Three to See because I was raised to believe that rhyming things are better than non-rhyming things.
February is historically known for three things: Valentine’s Day, Black History Month, and $5-Footlongs at Subway. If I’m being honest, all three get me about equally excited. February is typically a pretty slow month for movies — and despite its romantic trappings, nary a single rom-com or rom-dram was released (rom-dram is an abbreviation I just invented for romantic drama). But I get it, even if there aren’t any good romance movies out, you’re still gonna need to find an hour and a half to kill between your romantic dinner and when you and your super hot girlfriend can go makeout in the car. With that in mind, here’s the three movies worth seeing from February:
Movie 1) — Warm Bodies
It’s a classic story of boy meets girl. The only snag is that the boy is dead, and sort of wants to eat the girl’s brains. It’s like Twilight, except for in this movie the lead’s acting is actually supposed to be stilted and lifeless (sorry K-Stew (not really)). I’m a little biased toward this movie because it’s essentially the same premise as a movie idea I had in college, and so the fact that it got made gives me some weird sort of validation (it doesn’t take much) despite the fact that I had nothing to do with it. The story is cute enough, the gore is calmer than trying to convince your girlfriend to watch The Walking Dead with you every week, that’s a win/win in my book.
Movie 2) — Side Effects
A drug-induced psychological fantasy thriller with a murder to solve…but enough about my weekend, there’s also a movie out called Side Effects and you should see it. Jude Law continues to be a master of quality over quantity, and his performance shines in this movie that brings us an interesting look at the dark side of our increasingly infatuation with prescription drugs. Much better than I expected, though probably wouldn’t make the cut against a stronger month’s offering.
Movie 3) — A Good Day to Die Hard
I know, I know, you’re saying, “But Dustin, haven’t we seen this exact movie four other times already?” And yes it’s true, by the time you’ve hit the fifth movie in a franchise there’s a struggle to create the same excitement as earlier offerings (just ask the Police Academy/Land Before Time series), but Willis does a good job portraying the world’s “least adherent to jurisdiction rules” cop, and even though the setup of his son as a potential replacement for him in the series is about as subtle as the 49 minutes of combined explosions in the movie (no idea if that number is accurate), it’s still a good Die Hard movie, and significantly better than when Justin Long was his costar.
So there’s your three to see, and when you’re getting some hot mouth-on-mouth action with your girlfriend in the parking lot of that AMC Movies 12, just remember you have me to thank.