I Need a Desk (and by “Desk” I Mean Job)

I think alcohol sapped all my hilarity last night. Eh well, might as well get my write on anyways — being bad at stuff has never stopped me from doing anything before (isn’t that right, basketball, soccer, and relationships?).

Jaden Smith ruined The Day the Earth Stood Still. Not intentionally in the same way as Keanu’s underacting or the weak ending, but just ruined nonetheless. Jaden’s character (Jacob — what is it with poorly-written Jacobs in films these days? I’m looking at you, Twilight screenwriter) is just really, really poorly written. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, here’s a spoiler-free synopsis from someone who just watched the dvd this afternoon as a hangover cure (not a particularly effective one, in case you wondered): Jacob is almost 100% unnecessary as a character, he is an absolute brat — beyond what’s believable even by America’s standards of brattiness — he is a jerk to his single-parent stepmom, and he does not serve a purpose to the main plot aside from showing that American children are intolerant D-bags. His acting isn’t great, but he’s also like 10 years old AND working alongside Keanu Reeves (who also has the acting ability of a 10-year-old), so I’m willing to let it slide. Basically, the movie would’ve been significantly improved if that character had just been reduced or written out entirely. That said, I actually enjoyed the movie a fair amount and thought it was a decent remake.

As an aside, I’d like to point out that I honestly don’t think Keanu Reeves is that bad of an actor — I don’t think he’s particularly great, either, I just think that (like most actors) he serves a specific purpose and plays that certain kind of part well. He did a good job in this movie, and he knows kung fu.

On from a criticism to just the opposite. I saw Paul McCartney live for the second time in my life at the Coachella Music Festival this weekend. The level of talent that man possesses is unreal. At 60-something (I think around 65?), that man jumped around onstage, switched between a half-dozen instruments and played an almost three-hour show — all without missing a note. Like seriously, he didn’t even go flat once during the whole show. He shared some heart-warming stories about former bandmate John, former wife Linda…and didn’t share stories about former wife and current gold-digger, Heather Mills (who is an all-around crazy B and unsavory person). I know his shows are pricey, but seriously anyone who has even the slightest respect for and enjoyment of music owes it to themselves to see Paul live. His backing band is über talented (especially the righteous drummer who sings the majority of the harmonies and lays down sweet beats with only one rack tom and one floor tom — nobody needs more than two rack toms and one floor tom, no offense to the greatness of Neil Pert, but come on). Even the Beatles-DJ who opens the show for him and gets the crowd pumped up is awesome. This is the second time I’ve seen him put on an epic concert, and both shows were ridiculously phenomenal, so it wasn’t just like I got lucky with a good performance. The fact of the matter is that even though he still looks like he’s in great shape, and you couldn’t see any evidence of it in his show, he is still pushing 70-years old and he simply won’t be performing much longer. You MUST see him. You won’t regret it, and bootlegs aren’t the same. Anyone who doesn’t want to see Paul McCartney is a communist who should be shot execution-style on a stack of country-music albums.

I don’t care for Boston that much, but I do like Bill Simmons’ writing, and his observations are usually pretty spot-on and entertaining (remind you of anyone you know? …It’s me. You’re supposed to be reminded of me. Jerk).

So I’m going to be an extra in the movie Alvin & the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel this week. I’m equal parts excited and frightened. I’m excited because “acting” is going to pay for my food this week, but scared of what being associated with the A&TC franchise is going to do to my self-esteem. I’m sure it’s a violation of my contract, but I am planning on keeping my camera phone hot so I can twitter my humiliation globally so all of you can share in my official defeat as an actor (LA 1, Dustin 0).

Ok, tomorrow begins the no-holds-barred showdown between me and the recession (so far Recession 1, Dustin 0), and I’m predicting a big W for team Dustin — speaking of wins, how awesome is it that the Cavs AND Jackets are both in the playoffs against Detroit-based sports teams (although it looks like the Cleveland Cavaliers are more likely to win the Stanley Cup than the Columbus Blue Jackets with the way the CBJ played the first two games)?

For now though, I need to decide if 11:41pm is too late to have lunch, and see if I can get back the hours that the Mythbusters marathon has stolen from me today (Mythbusters 1, Dustin 0).

Much love to the Dustin Nation (the Dustination?), we’ll talk again soon.

60+ years old, 60+ feet high — but Paul doesn’t need screens to be larger than life. Rock on.

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