Monthly Archives: January 2009

Who Cares About ’08: April, May, June

!Hõla niños! Back with another installment of the año in review…but decided that since 2008 was lame, I’m gonna turn my insightful eye back on the year 1908, recapping all the important things that happened in that epic year. Enjoy.

+The 1908 Year in Review+
April:
20 – Sunshine Train Disaster: Two trains collide in Melbourne, Australia, killing 44 and injuring 400. A massive candlelight vigil is held to remember the victims, but quickly evolves into Australia’s second largest barbeque.
21 – Frederick Cook claims to have reached the North Pole on this date. He then claims to have invented the internet; a tactic that would later be copied by many other lame middle-aged men looking to give their life some meaning.
24 – The seventh deadliest tornado in US history strikes the towns of Pine, Louisiana and Purvis, Mississippi, killing 143 people and injuring 770. But the real controversy would be how the tornado was ranked sixth in the Coaches’ and AP polls, leading the nation to once again question the accuracy of the current ranking systems and instead demand an eight-tornado playoff at the end of the season.


The seventh-ranked tornado, just prior to claiming it should be ranked sixth, and that it wanted to take on USC in the Rose Bowl.

May:
10 – Mother’s Day is observed for the first time at Andrew’s Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia. Prior to that, the congregation’s mothers were only acknowledged during the annual “Maybe My Mom’s a Witch” Potluck/Barbeque.
28 – Ian Fleming, author of the famed James Bond series is born in England. His British nanny is instructed that the child is to be shaken, not stirred.


Even at a young age, Fleming wastes no time in developing his famous fictitious spy character. This is right before he shot the recess monitor with his 9mm pistol.

June:
Everybody just took a big o’l nap, on account of how “powerful warm” it was. Several women in and around the Alabama/Georgia/Louisiana areas publicly declared to be suffering from “the vapors.” Their collective self-diagnosis was later proven by a team of neurosurgeons to just to be a “lame attempt at flirting with that Johnson boy” who lives “down the road a spell.”


This man won both best and worst dressed of 1908. He also might be a young Colonel Sanders.

Ok, I’m off to dreamland, another three months in review to come tomorrow. Be there! …Or don’t be there. Those are pretty much your two main options.

Ciao,
Dustin

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Who Cares About ’08 : Jan, Feb, & Mar

Salutations, world!

As you may have surmised, I have been busy something fierce the past few weeks, but it’s ok because I’m here now with the obligatory “Year in Review” article that all bloggers/families/missionaries/inmates are required to write. SO you’re wondering, what all happened in ’08 that was worth remembering? Fret no longer, true believers, I’m here to tell you about each and every discovery/accomplishment of note that took place in ’08. Let the reviewing begin!

…Oh, there’s just one minor thing to note…since 2008 has already been year-in-reviewed up the wazoo, I thought I’d put a little tweak on things and do my year-in-review on the year 1908. I’m sure it’s just as relevant.

January 1908:
1 – A ball signifying New Year’s Day drops in NYC’s Times Square for the first time. Killing 19 people and injuring several others. In future years, a light-up sign of the current year would be put at the base of the ball to avoid a repeat massacre.
12 – The first long distance radio message is sent from the Eiffel Tower. The radio message encourages the recipients to “stick around” for Bob & Tom in the Morning Zoo,” and assured them that France would be “right back with the best hits from the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and today.” The transmission is followed by 94 minutes of nonstop mortgage refinancing commercials.
13 – A fire at Rhoads Opera House in Boyertown, Pennsylvania, kills 170 people. The tragedy is a catalyst for stricter fire safety laws nationwide; specifically the now-famous “Don’t Start Fires in Opera Houses” Law of Pennsylvania.
21 – New York City passes the Sullivan Ordinance, making it illegal for women to smoke in public. However the law also cites an exception for women who are only “smokin’ hot.”


I’m sorry miss, but you’re under arrest, you’re gonna have to come with me. …What’s that? What do you mean you have your own handcuffs and you don’t need mine? …I didn’t realize pink and fuzzy was police issue ’round these parts.

February:
1 – King Carlos I and Infate Luis Filipe are shot dead in Lisbon, deeply damaging Lisbon’s newly-instated “Come to Lisbon, You Won’t Get Shot! Especially if You’re a Foreign Dignitary!” Tourism campaign.
11 – Australia regains The Ashes (a hotly sought-after trophy) with a 308-run cricket victory over England. That victory becomes the last thing Australia would do better than England for the next 100 years.
12 – The first “Around the World Car Race” begins. Followed closely by the first “Around the Slow Driver in the Fast Lane Middle Finger.”
18 – Japanese immigration to the USA is officially forbidden — this law is quickly lifted once US officials realize that Speed Racer is only a cartoon, and poses no real threat aside from early-onset epilepsy.


Go Speed Racer, Go! …No, really, go…you’re not allowed in America anymore.

March:
4 – The Collinwood Schools Fire, near Cleveland, Ohio, kills 174 people: 150 students; 23 teachers, faculty and staff; and “that creepy guy in the van by the playground.”
27 – The first overseas Boy Scout troop is formed in Gibraltar, giving new meaning to the phrase “mounting the rock of Gibraltar” and creating the first-ever merit badge for Fortress Construction & Fortification.


Hell of a commute to scout meetings, but easily the safest troop meeting spot in the world.

Ok gang, that’s it for now, be sure to check back tomorrow for another season’s worth of updates from the year that was 1908! I know I will!

Cheers,
Dustin

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